Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
