I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
