We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
