College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
