what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
