there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
