WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
