Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
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