The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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