I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
