For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
