peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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