So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
