He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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