Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
