i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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