in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
