walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
