My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
