i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
