the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
