just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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