I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
