You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
