ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
