so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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