Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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