I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
