its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
