the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
