sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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