after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
