I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
