forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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