Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
