why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
