She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
