You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A bitchslap is in order.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
