I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
