just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
