I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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