Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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