I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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