well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
