My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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