If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
