But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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