Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
