Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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