so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
