just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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