john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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