Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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