i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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