i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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